Being a transgender woman is still not fully accepted by men today. It is wrong and sad since everyone has the right to make his own decisions. Even to choose a different sex gender from the one you were born with. And too bad for those who don’t understand that, ignore them and keep moving forward in life.
If you are a transgender woman, you must take responsibility for yourself. Be sure of yourself and impose yourself. Because all this too often ends up in personal discomfort or depression. The worst situation is to find yourself in the middle, not knowing if you are a man or a woman. Some people have a mental strength that can’t be beaten, but others don’t have a strong enough character to do it. And it is for them that Catgirl decided to write the Transgender Charter. It’s up to you to take it and share it around you and on your social media. Every voice counts!
1. Do not compare me to a woman
I am not and will never be a woman. That’s why when you talk to a transgender woman, don’t refer to women as « normal » or « regular » girls. This can come across as very ignorant and make a transgender girl feel like you think of her as abnormal. Like she’s not really a girl. Let that stop for good.
2. Don’t call me « trans. »
Of course, even though you may see a lot of trans porn stars label themselves that way, a lot of transsexual women feel it’s derogatory. The term « trans » makes me feel like a thing rather than a person. I’m not just your sexual fantasy, I’m here to be your friend or your lover. I want to have a normal relationship with you too. Is that too much to ask?
3. I am not an erotic encyclopedia
Many men tend to ask questions, which is fine in certain circumstances. For example, once we get to know each other, you can ask me if I’m non-op (I haven’t had surgery), pre-op (I haven’t had genital surgery, but maybe a breast augmentation) or post-op (I’ve had genital surgery and a breast augmentation). Because yes, it is a personal question for me. Asking me what the difference is between a transvestite and a transsexual makes me feel like your erotic history textbook. Besides, it’s a bit insulting, isn’t it? All this information is available online. Do a little online research first, please, gentlemen.
4. I am a person, not a sex machine
Men tend to over-sexualize transgender women as rare, mystical people who are always horny and ready to have sex. It’s often the same story. A man invites a transgender woman over and when she informs him of her gender, it’s a big upset. It’s hard to predict the reactions, but most of the time they are outrageous and hurtful. Unfortunately, this is still an all-too-common behavior. For many men, I’m good enough for sex but not good enough for being seen in public.
5. Be prepared for hairy situations
Not all transgender girls are at the same stage of their transition. If you’ve recently started dating a girl who is in the early to mid transition, don’t look at her like she’s Chewbacca because she has some facial hair in the morning. She’s likely already feeling uncomfortable about it. Boys or girls, don’t add insult to injury.
6. Be confident
If you are only comfortable with me in the bedroom, then you are not comfortable with yourself. You need to be able to be comfortable in restaurants, at parties, and everywhere else. I, as transgender woman, can easily feel if men are not sure they want to date me. Because they don’t show affection like they would behind closed doors. I too want to walk hand in hand with a man. Don’t leave me behind you, but beside you.
7. Don’t stereotype me
Yes, there are transgender women who are escorts, but not everyone is. Too often, men make remarks that are just as inappropriate as any other. Then they excuse themselves by saying that they don’t know much about the subject. As if ignorance would allow you to imply that I could only be an escort and nothing else. I have become a woman, consider me a woman now. And even if I am an escort, respect me as one.
8. Yes, I graduated from college
On a date, many men are surprised to learn that I attended a university and graduated. Being a transgender woman does not mean I come from a broken and battered home. Nor does it mean I have no education or plans for the future. I am a human being like you, with dreams and goals to achieve. I am educated and you will see it sooner than later.
9. Let’s discuss sex before we do it
If I’m a pre-op girl, there are things to consider that may not be discussed when dating women. For example, oral stimulation. How comfortable is the man when he does it and how comfortable is the woman when she gets it? Some pre-op transgender girls are opposed to having their penises touched. While others are comfortable as long as the man is comfortable. You need to understand this relationship and what happens in intimacy is something that needs to be shared between you and me. So if your male partner is more inclined to perform oral sex or even penetration, don’t be shy about it. But talk about it first.
10. Dating me does not make you gay
Dating a transgender woman is ultimately about dating a woman. What attracts you physically and mentally is usually her femininity. And I am not a man. Yes, I was born as a boy and some of us may have the same genital. But there is more to a relationship than just your penis. And there are many straight couples who incorporate plugs or strap-ons into their sex lives. Labels are simply not necessary. Love is love.
11. I am not an experiment
I am not your lab rat or your personal science experiment. It’s hard enough for a transgender girl to truly date or be in a relationship because of, oh, I don’t know: points 1-11. You men, be very clear and upfront about what you’re looking for. If it’s not what I’m looking for, move on. If you don’t accept me as I am now, you’ll never get there.
12. No, I am not a porn star
If you got into a relationship thinking you were going to have the best or wildest sex, you might want to reconsider. Porn is a fantasy. Not every girl is going to give you Mia Bella in sexy lingerie and serve up the hottest sex you’ve ever had. Don’t let porn overshadow my personality. I am who I am, you just have to adapt.
13. Accept and support my transition
There are many stages in my transition. And it’s likely that each one costs a substantial amount of money. From hormones to laser hair removal to breast augmentations to gender confirmation surgery. Yes, now you know, a transition is complicated and requires help. You must be patient because it really costs a lot to be the woman I want to be. Don’t be the one to lose a great girl because she hasn’t had her breasts done yet.
